I want to start out this post with another post: https://matt.might.net/articles/phd-school-in-pictures/. I really think you should read that before continuing this post. Please note, this is more for 1) people just joining a PhD program and 2) me.
So I’ve been playing with this post in my head since I started my dinky little blog, and I did a take one talking about going to grad school, and how its exausting and kind of great. I want to be, more real and a bit more brutal here. Getting a PhD is hell, even when you’ve got a good advisor. It is 4-10 years where you live to work, and that makes sense, you are working to be an expert in your particular part of your particular interest of your particular feild.
What makes getting a PhD hell? Long hours, bad pay, constantly questioning yourself, issues with your advisor. These are the things you’ll probably hear from other students, or freinds getting another degree. What might not be talked about is imposter syndrome and what has to be done to graduate. Before I dive further in, please note, I am an anxious person; what I am going to say may be magnified as a result of this. I do think most if not all graduate students feel this way at sometime.
Let’s start with imposter syndrome. When you start, you will feel anxious and excited. Within 6 months of joining a lab, you will start to realize not only do you not really know your feild, you don’t really know what the hell you’re doing. The thoughts set in: What am I doing? How did I get into this? I cannot do this, I'm not smart enough. This school made a mistake bringing me on. I should quite. I promise you, this hits hard, and the feeling will not go away for a while.
I want to say you push that thought to the side, and you power through. I’ve never found that to work. What I have found to work is talking with your peers and going out and grabbing a coffee or a beer and talking about this fear. Why? Because they will almost certanly feel the same way. There is a togetherness you can find here, and it builds a community of sorts. Seek this out. If you don’t you’ll be stuck in your own head, constantly feeling this, cycling through. Another thing that will help is a side “gig”. For me that was teaching new students, and doing weird little work shops; I felt comfortable doing this and sit with these feelings.
What has to be done to graduate. It is different for each lab, and will probably change over time for each lab. When I joined my lab, there wasn’t anything really set in stone, by the time I left there was. A freind in another lab had to reach a minimum number of papers with a minimum impact factor. Another lab was a minimum number of experiments with one gigantic paper. How long dose that take? There is no set answer here.
What do you mean there’s not a set answer here? How long will I be in grad school?
It may be the length of a grant. It may be until the school says you need to be done. It may be you get lucky and finish really quick. It may be the school has a set number of years. Maybe, and if this is you I trully am sorry, you get a advisor who keeps you there and dosen’t give you an end in sight (I’m hearing less and less of this).
If you are not in grad school and stumble upon this, or are just joining, think about having the feeling of uncertanty in yourself and not knowing how long you will need to deal with that feeling. Getting a PhD is not a test of intelligence. Don’t let anyone tell you how smart you are because you are in a PhD program. Getting a PhD is a test of gritt and determination. Can you wade through hell and over come hurdels both in your feild and in yourself. If you are willing to accept this, and sit with this you will probably make it through.
Do not take this as I should not go back to school. Take this solely as a warning. There are things you can do to help yourself. A few:
1) Find a therapist 2) If you have a significant other explain the hell you are embarking on and make time for them 3) Do things you like 4) Say no to your advisor and failing that compromise 5) Take vacations 6) If you have issues with your advisor (are they abusive? do they ignore you?) talk with the department head 7) Have a REASON to do a PhD. This reason should align with your long term goals
Final thought (kind of just thrown in here). If you do a google search, should I Leave my PhD program, your going to find pages of ‘‘Why not to do a PhD’’, “Why to do a PhD”, “Why to leave your PhD”… Read them, but the disicion is ultimatly yours. These people don’t know what you’re going through (nor do I). If you want to make a infomred disicion, talk to your peers or make a post on reddit under https://www.reddit.com/r/AskAcademia/ or https://www.reddit.com/r/PhD/